


Different.

by junsangist



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Break Up, idk what to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-21 10:40:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21298109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junsangist/pseuds/junsangist
Summary: Junho realized something is wrong.
Relationships: Cha Junho/Lee Eunsang
Comments: 1
Kudos: 30





	Different.

**Author's Note:**

> please pardon my grammatical error, this is my first fic and this must be flop.

"Eunsang?"  
  
And that's how Junho realized, he's alone. He goes to other rooms, tried to look for his boyfriend but he can't find him. He is not anywhere. He sighed and plumps his body into the couch. He stares at the ceiling and reaches his pocket. Swipe up his phone and saw the most beautiful smile he ever saw. He sighed again and opens his message.  
  
Still, Eunsang hasn't replied to his message. It left hanging, and he opened it, looking through the last word his boyfriend text.

  
_"It's okay Junho! Take care and please eat well. You barely eat and always too selective. I love you! "_  
  
That’s message was two days ago and he missed him so much. They were away around a month, and Junho has to do a lot of things about his project so he preferred to sleep at Changwook flat rather than their apartment. Junho barely comes home, whenever Eunsang will always wait for him, sat on his favorite spot just waiting for Junho coming home, although his boyfriend never come.  
  
The reason why Junho loves Eunsang so much because the boy never complained. Junho is passive in their relationship, and Eunsang is mostly active. On their first anniversary, Junho forgot about it but Eunsang has prepared everything. The boy set their balcony into a cheap candlelight dinner. That's sweet right?.   
  
Junho gets up, about to go but he stumbles by something, totally almost makes him kiss the floor.He gritted his teeth and stared to a stack of papers, look messed by him.He took one of them and read it.

>   
_ ** September, 1st ** _  
  
_ Cha Junho ... I miss you. _  
  
_ I wonder, how is your day without me but you haven't texted me : ( . So I'll just write everything in this paper, relieving myself from missing you every day. My day was great, it'd bored as usual, not like you .. always been busy since our first day. It's okay anyway, your study is way important than us. Right? _  
  
_ We barely hug and seeing each other, you barely come home .. you always stayed at Changwook flat. You said it's near and easy to reach. It's okay unless you won't getting late. I suddenly remember the day you take a day off only for accompany me. I wonder, how is your day without me but you haven't texted me:(_  
  
_ When you come home, you always hugs me and said **'I'm home'.** That's one of my favorite sentences! My Junho finally comes home. I'm very excited and get every snack that you like and have planned everything! Ah... I miss that day. I'll wait for you, wait that day to come again. _

Junho fluttered by the paper. He back to the stack picked up another one and read it.

> ** _ September, 14th _ **  
  
_ Do you remember the day we met? When I being a shy boy and accidentally met you in festivals. You approached me first, you said I looked like a lost puppy. That's so embarrassing! But thank god, Yohan hyung save me and we separate immediately. I just remember your name is unique yet cute, Cha Junho. I found you cute! But ... I realized, why would someone attractive still single? _  
  
_ That's only the beginning until we met, again but it's not you who recognized me. It's me, approaching you first. I saw you talking to Yunseong and Sihun senior. I directly come to you and greet you with a simple 'hi'. Two guys you talking to stopped and notice me. They stared at me like I'm a weirdo, who just approaching you. _  
  
_ I'm glad, you excited and called my name. _  
  
_ 'Hi! You're Eunsang! Am I right? ' _  
  
_ Dang, it. Your smile and your voice make me flustered. How can someone this beautiful deserve to talk to me?. Yunseong and Sihun senior left us. I'm cursing inside, why would they left us?. I'll die of shyness. _  
  
_ You talked again, you brought our conversation and make a good tension. Then, someone passing by and interrupted us. That's Yohan hyung, he is embracing me and jokingly looks suspicious towards you. But soon as time passed his facial changed. His face lightened and smiles widely. _  
  
_ 'I just want to say, both of you looking good to each other! You guys are cute! ' Then he giggled. _  
  
_ I'm rolling my eyes and purposely stepped his toe. He is mad and we are bickering, while you just laughing. I want to hide anywhere. For real. Yohan hyung whispered that he said you're cute while you are there! In front of me! Oh my god. I prepared my own grave. _  
  
_ I said what Yohan hyung said to me, and you look surprised. I'm clowning myself again. Am I saying it because of Yohan hyung thoughts or mine? __You just smiled and bowed, gratefully say 'Thank you hyung but he's cuter'._
> 
> _ Everything has stopped, I blinked twice. W... What has just happened? Am I misheard? Am I delusional? You stared at me and smiled. I'll never forget how sweet is your smile, I dragged Yohan hyung out to cover my embarrassment without saying anything. _

Junho smiles. This paper can be called as Eunsang diary. The whole things are cute. He decided to read everything, read it one by one without realizing where's this brings him.

>   
** _ October, 5th. _ **  
  
_ Today is my happy day! Nothing special but I made something for Junho! It's his favorite, choco pie! I know he'll so excited about this since his first love is choco pie after me! >: ( I'm jealous!. Oh! about my day, today is great! I'm in a good mood since I already think about this for a looong time. I hope he loves it! ^O^. _

Junho frowned and confused about this letter. What choco pie? He never received anything?. He quite for a while, thinking and tried to remember when and is he ever had it?.He decided to continue, it still the same day.

> ** _ October, 5th. _ **  
  
_ I don't know what is this feeling, but it feels a bit hurt?. I don't know how to express it but it's okay. Junho said I shouldn't wait for him since he'll back tomorrow after. He visited his parents and wants to resolve something. I understood. Family is a priority above everything. I save it and cleaned up. He can eat it tomorrow after. It's probably ... still good! _

Junho snapped. He speechless. Why does Eunsang never talk about this? Why his boyfriend never tells him?. His mind runs to curiosity. He changed into another paper.

> ** _ October, 8th. _ **  
  
_ I failed : ( the pie is rotting. I should toss it. Junho doesn't have any chance to taste it ... but okay, sometimes I'll make another one! Yesterday he was late, and I felt bad for him : ( . He falls asleep on the couch. I even don't know he's home and when I woke up he already up and prepared to go. He just kissed my forehead and quick left. I haven't told him about the choco pie. He's busy, so it's okay : D _

Guilty starts to haunt him. He didn't know this. He didn't know if his boyfriend is sad.He sounds careless and only minding his business. "What I've done..?"

> ** _ October, 19th. _ **  
  
_ This is one of our fighting sessions. We've through a lot, and today is the worst. I screamed and slapped him. My tears won't stop and when I wrote this I still crying. Junho just left and I don't know where. I talked to him, finally. I brave myself to talk about how he looks so careless, selfish and rarely at home. Always busy with his campus. I'm busy too, but I always tried to spare my time only for him!!. I'm angry when he simply said, _  
  
  
  
_ "What can I do? I can't do anything. I should do all of my tasks due to the deadline. You know that. " _  
  
  
  
_ Why he always looks so calm when he said those things to me?... Is he ever think about me? How I feel when I rarely see him. We moved in together since our 2nd Anniversary but we rarely talk and have time. He always busies this, busy that. Seungwoo hyung giving us some advice but it never work. I did the advice, but not for Mr. busy Cha Junho. He always put Changwook and his friends first. I start to think, who I'm to him?. _

"What Eunsang ... No... what the hell is happening. "   
  
  
  
Junho groaned frustrated, he messed his hair. He and Eunsang not in the same university and both different departments. Junho as an Engineering and Eunsang a Medical Student. If he can compere, Eunsang is the busiest yet he still spare his time just for him. His heart started beating fast. He turns to another page.

> ** _ October, 26th. _ **  
  
_ Happy birthday to Lee Eunsang, happy birthday to me. I blew the candle, Seungyoun and Wooseok hyung just clapped. They hugged me and wishing for my day, they prepared the whole little party. I smiled bitterly, it just three of us. At first, I was laying on my bed and the doorbell starts ringing. I thoughts it was Junho but it's my brother and his pretty boyfriend. Junho called me last night but didn't come home yet. I'm happy he is the first, but ... I miss his presence. I miss everything about him. Since the day we have fought, something has changed. He always is being gentle and nothing weird except we don't talk anymore. Last night is an exception. The night we were fighting, he apologized and that's it. He never faced me and in short, we are ignoring each other. _
> 
> _ No .. it wasn't me but Junho ignores me. I'm sad. Why do I feel it's hard to reach him? He's close yet far. We build a huge wall, make us apart. _

Junho fell the paper and founded speechlessly. Is this what Eunsang felt? Is he a true definition of a selfish boyfriend. Junho tries to catch his breath. He felt aches and hardly breath. He remembers that day, he was scared to talk to Eunsang. He is a coward, he confused. He watched him crying, he made him cry. He devastated once he looks at Eunsang tears falls. He hurt him. That's why he looks like ignoring him, they were misunderstood. His hand trembles as he turned to the next paper. 

> _ ** November, 10th. ** _  
  
  
_ Do you remember when you asked me out? I was shocked and thought I'm misheard and delusional. I don't know what I should react. We only know each other for a week and i having crush on you. You were different, unlike the others, unlike usual people do. We just sat on the bench and when i turn to you, i caught you staring at me. After that was a memorable moment to me.  That was the happiest day, ever.  I wonder, when will that day come again? The happiest day ever? After four years we are dating, you never give me anything. I never ask you to do something unlike you. i never complained about why you not like the others?. Why didn't you care when i was sick? You always busy with your phone call, you busy with your laptop. You never asked how i felt. When i came to you and told you the whole story, you don't give a shit. Why this feels hurt, Junho?. Do you still love me? Do i still have a place inside?. I don't know who are you anymore. You rarely sleep beside me, this place feels empty without you. When will you home Junho? I miss our old days. Please, come home. _

Junho remembers the day he asked him out. 

** _"Eunsang, if i ask you to be mine. What is your answer?"_ **

_Eunsang just nervously laughed. He doesn't dare to stare at him, **"Of course, I'm yours??"**_

_Junho shook his head, **"No, i mean ... We are dating. You know .. What .. I mean .. Right? Please don't laugh. I'm so bad at this don't make me cry. You and me, dating. Oh my god, how to say this properly.. stop being stupid Junho."**_

_ **"My answer ... still yes. I'm yours, C h a J u n h o."** _

_Junho widens his eyes and their eyes met. Eunsang smiles widely and Junho found speechlessly. He hugs Eunsang tightly and screaming happy. That was the happiest day for both. _

He snapped back to reality. His mind twisted and driving him crazy. He can't think properly. He can't find Eunsang anywhere since two days ago. He just realized, Eunsang is different these days. He looks like a stranger, resembles to how he talks to his friend when asking for another task. He realized, he treats him bad. He promising him a lot of things. He promises to take care of him, he'll never hurt him and not intend to but in fact, he does. He doesn't know Eunsang is hurting. He realized how not aware he was. He always thinks about himself.

_ **TING!** _

A loud ring brings Junho from the flashback and blaming himself. He widens his eyes when saw the text. His eyes turn to red and tears dropping falls. His heart aches and breaks into pieces. His voice out of his lungs. 

> _Eunsang_❤
> 
> _ **Junho, let's break up.** _
> 
> _7pm._
> 
> * * *

**Author's Note:**

> AAAAh. I know i'm not really good at English ... but i just tried to write this. Thank you for reading! Give me kudos and comments!


End file.
